you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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