Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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