The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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