gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
