First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Randomize
