I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
