Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
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