Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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