She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
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i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
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He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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