wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
