Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
