did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
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