Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
We need to get me chipped asap
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
