I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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