The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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