you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
