Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Randomize
