thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
