Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Randomize
