yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
