The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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