you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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