I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Randomize
