New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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