I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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