sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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