Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
