im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
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