just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
the liver wants what the liver wants
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
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