I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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