dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
