She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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