you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
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