Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
