I want to walk on stilts...naked
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
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