You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
