rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Randomize
