do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
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