Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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