He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
tequila makes me forget i have legs
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Randomize
