Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Randomize
