i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
