There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
