I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
