need another drink. this is the easiest way
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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