Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I had to cum in my sink.
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