My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
