I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Randomize
