he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
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I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
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You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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