do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
