K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Randomize
