I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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