im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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