If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
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