Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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