hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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