I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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