I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Randomize