So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
