I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
