I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Randomize
