I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Randomize
