Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
