Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Randomize
