So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Randomize
