I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
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