How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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