she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
