I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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