and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
