everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
