Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I love having hate sex.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Randomize
