but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
