dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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