i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
