I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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