Got a toothbrush?
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
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He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
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Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
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